Building Trust in Newly Blended Families
Building trust is a necessary part of a smooth transition for newly blended families! Should we expect everything to be smiles and rainbows right from the start? Of course not! Our energy should go into building a solid foundation. We need to know we can trust someone before getting fully comfortable with them, and that goes double for kids.
It can feel like trust is impossible to build without being given any to start. However, as parents, we need to find the ways that don’t involve asking something of the kiddos. After all, they may just not give it!
Watch Your Language
No, I don’t mean swearing! Kids are QUICK to pick up on attitudes you think you’re hiding. It won’t take long for your new (step)child to see your exasperation with your partner’s ex. While exasperation is fair, the ways we express it aren’t always, and that’s a person they look up to that you’re disrespecting! There are few quicker ways to lose trust than by badmouthing a respected authority figure.
Be honest about your feelings, but with a skew towards the compassionate side. Children will learn by example how to respectfully process difficult emotions. They’ll also trust you more if they see you acting with kindness towards the people they love!
Don’t Get Lost in the Crowd
One-on-one time is a MUST. Family time is wonderful and necessary, but don’t forget to spend some quality time building independent relationships. Let the kids get to know who you are outside of your relationship with your partner, and get to know them outside of theirs with their siblings and other parents. To build trust, you need to become comfortable with each other’s mannerisms, needs, and communication styles.
In for the Long Haul
Be patient with your family. Ideally, you’ll have all the time in the world to build a strong relationship! Pushing for a deep relationship too fast can feel manipulative, especially when you don’t have the foundation to back it up. Take it slow, keep showing up, and enjoy the time!